so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
