Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
