I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
