You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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