well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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