how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
