thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
