Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize