i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
