I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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