Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
