she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
