No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
