Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
