it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
