I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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