Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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