bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
