do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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