Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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