The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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