if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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