I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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