That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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