I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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