There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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