You're my little dorito
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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