when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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