Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
