ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
