Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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