i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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