Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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