Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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