they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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