Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
