Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wear drunk well.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
