I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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