Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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