I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
