Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Come on in and take your pants off
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