I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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