Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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