Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
