God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
