see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
