I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
