Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
