he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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