hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where is the hickey?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
