I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
