We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
