I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
