So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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