i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish you could order shots online.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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