Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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