if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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