You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
