Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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