I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Will exercising make me less horny?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
