im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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