I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My dick has a subreddit
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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