it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
