OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
