take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Send help, water and tortillas.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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