So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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