how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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