Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
