Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
