1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
