Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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