the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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