My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
