My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
