im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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